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a step closer

It’s a big day in our embryo adoption journey.  Today we finally move forward and take a leap closer to my transfer date.

It’s finally time to start the medication that I need to take to prepare my body to accept our tiniest loves and give then a fighting chance of survival.

First step is birth control for the next three weeks.  Yikes!  I’m being mindful to look forward and not back as I embrace this part of the journey.  I had to laugh as I opened the box. The last time I used these tiny tablets was many years ago–I just looked at them and seemed to gain twenty pounds!  I hated it! And then there was that little issue of feeling liked I constantly had PMS.

I vowed and declared, “Never again!”

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God is so funny. Here I am again, nearly twenty years later–older and hopefully a wee bit wiser–ready and very willing to do whatever it takes.  How time and circumstances change! How life changes!  I’m not hung up on the things that mattered to me so much back then.  If I gain a few pounds, well, then I gain a few pounds.  I’ll lose it eventually.  It has absolutely nothing to do with eternity! These four lives do! And hopefully, by His grace, I can handle those crazy PMS-like symptoms, too, should they arise.  I’m praying that isn’t even a thing–that God would keep every hormone in my body in perfect balance as I take one day at a time.

He never said it would be easy.  Ever! But He did promise His faithfulness in the storm…

…and that is good enough for me.

We’re starting to get so excited.  I shared on Facebook yesterday that I have those days too where I consider all of the options and the things we have been told by doctors and I know that there is a possibility that none of these four embryos will survive.  I have moments when I feel so tender at the thought of getting to the end of this road and not having LIFE growing inside of me.  I long to have life growing in me.  I really do.  But then I remember that God’s plans and purposes are so much greater than my heart could ever comprehend.

I’m not meant to know the end of this story–it’s His to tell. 

And that is good enough for me.

We’re praying for life, believing for life, and trusting with everything that is within us for LIFE…

…but the epilogue?

I’ll let the Father write that.

Because no one can write a story like the Almighty God.

Taking another step forward to January 26.

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