captivated

July 23, 2011 By Adéye

By my beautiful little miracle girl.

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Twelve years ago, I Skyped Anthony from my cold, d

Twelve years ago, I Skyped Anthony from my cold, dreary apartment in Ukraine. I had just met our newest daughters and could not hold back the tears."I just don't know if I can be Hailee's mother," I told him that day. "I don't know if I have what it takes to parent her. What if I fail her?" I asked him through so many tears. I had just discovered that Hailee had been drugged with an adult tranquillizing drug for her entire five years of life. She could not handle being held, and she screamed for most of my visit. Being taken out of the only environment she knew--the confines of a crib--was absolutely terrifying. She pulled her ears until they were raw and infected. She banged her head on anything near to self-soothe. She could not eat solid food. At five years old, she weighed just eleven pounds. Back then, I questioned a million times whether I could be the mother Hailee so desperately needed me to be. I felt so inadequate for the calling. Goodness! It's been a journey! We have both grown and learned how to live our best life together. We've succeeded and we've failed. Looking back, Hailee has been one of my greatest teachers in this life. I have learned so much being her mom. But more than anything, I have seen the hand of a faithful, loving, merciful Father as I have shared my life with this little girl. And I have seen that when we give God our yes--so often afraid and unsure and positively terrified over all of the unknowns--He turns it into our greatest blessing. I just cannot imagine my world without this little darling in it. She keeps me on my toes, ensures that we are always laughing over something that she does, will dance with us day and night, and gives the very best hugs that make any hard day better. Today, on her seventeenth birthday, we count the enormous blessing that is Hailee. We thank God for the gift of this child who just makes life so much sweeter. Happy, happy birthday, sweetest Hailee! I am so, so grateful that twelve years ago, your precious Dad reminded me that I had what it took to be your mom. Because being your voice, your caregiver, your dance partner, your hugger, and your mom is, by far, one of my greatest delights in this life!

Growing up, I never really wanted to be a mother.

Growing up, I never really wanted to be a mother. In many ways, the thought of raising another human terrified me. What if I failed? What if I couldn't be the mother a child needed me to be? I was so afraid of all the things that could possibly go wrong. Goodness, was I wrong! Now that I have young adults, I look back on my mothering journey and honestly, it makes me tearful. I'm 100% sure that I have failed these sweet humans more times than I care to remember. I know for sure that there have been times when I handled situations all wrong and wished that I could have had a redo. But children don't need perfect parents! There is no such thing. God chose me--in all of my brokenness and with my countless flaws. This Mother's Day, I am so thankful for the enormous amount of grace that these five extend me every single day. They see past the things that I see as my weaknesses and love me so sweetly. Motherhood is such a precious gift from God. My highest calling. And though I never knew it and could not see it all those years ago, I am so thankful that God knew that I needed these five blessings so much more than they would ever need me. Because He's just so very kind like that. I hope you all had a beautiful Mother's Day. ❤️

Thank you, @shadwickstrom and @julie.wickstrom, fo

Thank you, @shadwickstrom and @julie.wickstrom, for the blessing and the absolute honor of being able to share my heart, my journey, and His redeeming love in my life this morning. He is worthy of it ALL--every broken piece made whole, every victory we see, and every praise whispered through tears. Happy Mother's Day, friends. It's been a most beautiful day with my beloved family. ❤️

Grateful for...warmer days (finally!). Messy hair

Grateful for...warmer days (finally!). Messy hair days. The sweetest smiles. Sister love. Grace for a very, very busy season. Manna for today. And tomorrow. Amazing adult children who fill my heart with so much love. The ability to workout and get stronger. Friends who love us unconditionally. A church who embraces us wholeheartedly. Physicals done for six children. Healthy bodies. Exciting adventures. Longer days. Summer. The undeserved favor of God. It is well. ❤️

Today we celebrate the man who deserves more than

Today we celebrate the man who deserves more than I could ever give him. I remember the days of praying for a man who would love me with his whole heart. A man who looked past my many flaws, my brokenness, the shattered pieces of my life, and my many imperfections and saw all who I could become. A man who chased after the things of God with everything that he has. A man who would adore his children and be an amazing dad. A man who loved people and cared deeply about the things that matter most. A man who walked in integrity and chose to do what's right, no matter what. A man who would hold my heart so tenderly and always point me to Jesus. God gave me all of this and so much more. He gave me a man who always, always puts our needs way above his own and loves this family of ours with every ounce of his being. Today, we honor and we celebrate you, Anthony! No words can ever express how grateful I am that God heard every prayer on my heart and sent me you. Doing this crazy, amazing, beautiful life with you is my greatest joy and delight. Happy, happy birthday! How we love and treasure you! ❤️🎉

For the last two years, I've been so much more del

For the last two years, I've been so much more deliberate about what I allow myself to watch and listen to. We don't have a television, and we never watch the news. We spend more time with our children, drop everything we're doing when one of our adult children walks through our door, love hanging out with our animals, and always have a home renovation project we're working on. These days, I'm trying to be so much more intentional about only focusing on what matters most to me. The days and the years sure do fly by...and I don't ever want to feel like I wasted this one life He gave me by worrying, stressing and focusing on all the things that I cannot change. I'm a work in progress, but I'm loving this season of children growing up, adult kids who are such a blessing to my heart, and intentionally living a life of gratitude. Thankfulness is a choice--no matter the circumstances we walk through. I fail at getting it right more than I succeed at living gratefully every day. Because life can be hard, and the world is messed up, and it's so easy to take my eyes off of all things eternal. But so gently and patiently, He reminds me daily to pause. To reflect on all that is good. And lovely. And amazing. Because I don't ever want to be too busy to miss moments like this. She's my biggest cuddler and my random kisser (like, all day long)...and I pray that I'm never too distracted to savor the sweetness of it all. ❤️

Twenty three years ago, I became a mother. I was n

Twenty three years ago, I became a mother. I was never one of those woman who dreamed of motherhood since they were very young. Truth is, I had no clue who I was nor who I wanted to become for most of my young adult life. In so many ways, the thought of being a mother and raising children scared the heck out of me. That was, until I had my first son. Connor changed me! Never had I experienced the kind of love and absolute joy that I had in spending my days with him. This boy showed me that if I was nothing else in my life, being his mom would be enough for me. And for twenty three years we've been figuring out this crazy, amazing life together. I have loved and treasured every single day that we have grown together. Being Connor's mother has been one of my greatest delights in my life. And now that he's a young man, I look back and am so insanely grateful for the gift this boy has been to us. From the sweetest baby, to the most amazing young man that he has chosen to become, I am thankful. It has been such a privilege watching him grow and mature into a man who walks in integrity, cares deeply, and is so kind. Happy, happy 23rd birthday to the son who is one of my great riches on this earth. No words can ever express the blessing he is to my heart! Keep looking up, Connor. Keep your eyes on heaven. Keep being exactly who you are. And always, always put Jesus first. I am ridiculously proud of you. ❤️

Happy 18th birthday, sweetest Kael. You were a sur

Happy 18th birthday, sweetest Kael. You were a surprise addition to our adoption of Hasya. A sweet boy who God added to us so far into the adoption process. We had to rush through the paperwork to make sure that we could adopt you. I'll always remember the day I met you. Driving through the gates of the mental asylum you had called home for nearly nine years changed me forever. Never in my life had I been in such a dark, lifeless place. A place where precious humans had no worth, no value. A place so hard to fathom. But God! By His amazing grace, He chose you to have a family. I don't understand it all. Why so many are left behind with no hope. Some days I just ache for heaven. But forever will I be thankful that you are here, loved and living your very best life. With hope and a future. You're our chillest kid! Nothing ever moves quickly for you, except, perhaps, when you see me preparing a meal and you know it's time to eat. You love your food and have never turned a meal away. You have the best laugh in the world, and when you smile, I am reminded that redemption is such a beautiful thing. You love our family outings and could spend your entire summer in a swimming pool. And even though you're completely dependent on us for all things, you have become so intentional about showing us your needs. You have amazed us with all that you have learned, especially recently. How you have grown in nine years! As you head into your adult years, we're so excited to watch you become all who God has made you to be. And we'll be there, making sure that you have every opportunity to learn, grow and live a life filled with wonder. We are so grateful that God rescued you, sweet Kael. So very grateful for the gift of you. ❤️🎉

It's World Autism Awareness Day. Today we celebrat

It's World Autism Awareness Day. Today we celebrate everything that makes Hailee, Hailee. She is fearfully and wonderfully made...JUST the way she is. Thank you, God, for the big victories that are simply amazing and the seemingly tiny victories that we count as blessings...they are ALL from your hand. Grateful for the gift of this tiny little firecracker who ensures that my days are never dull nor boring. ❤️

She's fiercely independent. Picks out her own clot

She's fiercely independent. Picks out her own clothes. Can figure out anything on her own. Got the stubborn gene. Loves to help. Can rearrange an entire house in five minutes flat (and keeps us guessing where everything went). Has to have everything in its rightful place. Adores her siblings. And her puppy. Is the boss of everyone. Thrives on routine. Keeps everyone (animals included) on their toes and doing what they need to do. Loves pretty dresses and accessories. Forgives easily and teaches me to do the same. Yells at Hailee a gazillion times a day for messing up the playroom...again..."Oh, Hailee! No!" She is absolute perfection and I am so thankful that she's mine. ❤️

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