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fear and divine confirmation

Oh how I LOVE the Lord.  My soul delights in Him.

So, here we are in a gorgeous part of Colorado.  Enjoying our much-needed family time away.  Yes, I was well enough to make the little trip on Friday.  I still feel icky–but not near as bad as last week.  Ugh–did I tell you that I am so over this stomach thing?  Well I am.  Done with it.

Anyway.

We’re having the best time.  Not because the pace is any slower.  How can it possibly be with five energetic kids?  But just because we’re together.  Just being family.  I love that so much.  We have no place important to be, and no phones to answer.  We can just do whatever we fancy at any given time.

Time to just be.

It was Friday night that I saw him.  A very special young boy.  As he walked toward us, my heart skipped a few beats. His face was just precious. His walk awkward. His arms uncooperative with the rest of his body. His parent’s faces beamed with the love they had for their sweet son.  Amazing.

As I looked at this boy, my heart started beating faster.

“Oh my Father…are you sure about this? Are you sure I too can handle a child with Down Syndrome?”

“I know our lives will never be the same again, Lord…can we even do this?  What if we fail horribly?”

As I looked as this angelic boy, I’ll be honest, fear rose in my heart. Fear of failure. Fear of not being able to parent Hailee well. Fear of not  falling in love with her as I love my other children.

For a moment…fear gripped my heart.

Connor then turned to me, and as if he could read my thoughts said, “Mom, are you ready for this?”

“Yes, son, if this is what God has for us, we’re ready for it.”  Yet inwardly I was really not sure how I felt about it at that given moment.

I went to bed that night with that dear boy on my heart and in my thoughts.  “Are you sure, Father?”

Yesterday Anthony took the boys out for some Daddy time. When they returned, Connor came running to find me.  He excitedly told me about something amazing that had happened.

While out, the boys had met a young woman.  She had a Russian accent and when Anthony inquired about where she was from, she told him that she was from the same country as Hailee.  Anthony told her about Hailee and our adoption.  She then told him that she was from the exact same city as Hailee.  She had lived there most of her life. 

Oh my.  The boys came and got me and of course I just had to meet Tatiana. She was so encouraging.  She whipped out her laptop and showed us heaps of pictures of her city.  She told us about her people, her food and gave us some excellent tips for travel.

Coincidence?  How many people are there from the exact same city as Hailee in a tiny mountain town in Colorado?

Realistically…all of one.

No such thing as coincidence, friends.  Everything passes through the hands of the Amighty God before it gets to us.  Everything.

The God of the universe encouraged my heart like you will not believe. He brought a young woman from Hailee’s city across our path just as a sweet confirmation that we are doing His will.  All fear I had felt the night before was gone.  Any doubt or insecurity, any questioning my ability to parent Hailee…gone!

He used a sweet young lady, and a Down Syndrome boy, to show me that He IS in the middle of our adoption, that we CAN parent a child with Down Syndrome, and that everything is going to be just fine.

My only concern is to pray and trust Him to lead and guide us as we work toward bringing Hailee home.

What an intentional God we serve.  I love how He brings peace in troubled times.  I love how He calms our thoughts when things seem confusing.  I love How He purposefully brings people into our lives as a way of speaking to our hearts and bringing confirmation when we need it most.

How I love the Lord.

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