• Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • About
  • Adoption
    • Adoption Stories
    • Children Needing a Family
    • Hannah-Claire
    • Haven
    • Hasya
    • Kael
    • Hailee
    • Harper
    • Hunter
  • Special Needs
    • Down syndrome
    • Cerebral Palsy
    • Developmental Delay
    • Trauma
    • Autism
    • Other Special Needs
  • Special Needs Encouragement
  • Healthy Living
  • Mom Life
  • Contact

Adeye Salem

  • Home
  • About
  • Adoption
    • Adoption Stories
    • Children Needing a Family
    • Hannah-Claire
    • Haven
    • Hasya
    • Kael
    • Hailee
    • Harper
    • Hunter
  • Special Needs
    • Down syndrome
    • Cerebral Palsy
    • Developmental Delay
    • Trauma
    • Autism
    • Other Special Needs
  • Special Needs Encouragement
  • Healthy Living
  • Mom Life
  • Contact
    • Email
    • Facebook
    • Instagram

not alone

August 3, 2020 By Adéye

One thing that I treasure about this life we live is the many amazing people we meet along the way. Many years ago, when the Lord started to grow our family beyond what was considered an average size, Anthony and I made a few decisions in how we would raise our children. Some of those decisions have ebbed and flowed over the years as life changed and children grew older. But one thing we have embraced with unwavering conviction is that our children with special needs would go where we go. We have always been mindful to ensure that they are never left behind. Obviously, there are times and situations that don’t make that practical, and we have needed to bend our rule, but whenever possible, where we go, they go too. 

Choosing to live a lifestyle where our children are often enjoying swimming pools, parks and public places has opened up so many interesting conversations from people we meet on our outings. I will say that people have been so very kind to us. I cannot actually think of one time when we ever encountered a rude or distasteful comment. Most people who observe us getting out of our big white van or swimming at our favorite pool either smile to acknowledge us or stop to say hello and start a conversation. Our community has been kind, thoughtful and genuinely loving toward our family. For that, we are ridiculously thankful. 

Anthony and I love to take the time to introduce our children to people who ask us questions. We love to talk about adoption and share our story with anyone who takes the time to ask us. I have learned along this journey that most people genuinely want to know. They want to know how these precious blessings ended up in our family. They wantto know how we function as a family (once we move beyond the inevitable “Are you a daycare center?” question). They want to know what this life we live looks like to someone who has never raised a child with special needs. Most people are extremely gracious. 

Recently I met a mother who is raising a child who has special needs. Clearly struggling with her current reality, she asked me a question that is probably in the top three questions we get asked about our family. 

“I only have one child who has special needs.  How and why do you do this?”

I get it! I really do. My heart broke for her and all I wanted to do was give her a hug and reassure her that I was on her side, that I understood. Because honestly? There is no way that I could do what I do without God giving me such undeserved, unmerited grace and an eternal perspective for each new day. 

I understand because it’s so easy to have a hard day and look at the children the Lord has given us and see them as hard work, not a blessing. It’s more common than this community talks about to fall into a pattern of exhaustion and even depression. The human heart is tender and prone to weariness and despair. Long days and sleepless nights can turn even the most resilient soul into a tender, weepy mess. 

I understand because raising even one child who struggles a little more than others is more than likely one of the loneliest jobs in the entire world. I see it. I hear it so often from parents deep in the trenches. Feeling isolated and lonely is such a hard place to be. Parents turn to online, like-minded communities for support—desperate for someone—anyone—who can understand and come alongside them offering hope and encouragement. For the first few years of parenting our children who have special needs, my online community became a lifeline for me. 

With all my heart, I get it. My journey in raising our children has certainly been just that—an unfolding, fully-dependent-on-amazing-grace journey. I will never proclaim to have all the answers, and I’m the last person on the planet who will come to this tiny space on the world wide web and tell you that we have it together all the time. Because that’s just not the real world. We have had so many times when the valley has felt like a constant companion. 

I’m right there with every warrior mother who has gone before me and those precious moms who have walked behind me on this journey. 

Over the years of walking out this broken, lonely road, I have made so many mistakes (still do!) in how I parent and in how I choose to see my children every day. 

Because each and every day, in all things, we have a choice.

God is so very kind and gracious, isn’t He? Many years ago, as I began to yield my heart and change my thoughts to align with what HE thought, my whole world changed. As God changed me from the inside out, I began to see things through the eyes of faith. I began to see the trials we went through for what they really are—just hard days that do pass. Not seasons that would last forever. Not situations that we could not work to improve. Not circumstances that were too far from the Father’s loving grasp…

…just earthly hardships that none of us is immune too.

And on those days when everything in me feels stretched, I am always reminded of something that Chuck Swindoll said. 

“Nothing reaches us before first passing through the hands of a loving Father.” 

There is so much comfort in knowing that everything—every single thing—we ever go through in this life is allowed by a God in heaven who loves us so infinitely. And if He allows the seasons of stretching and challenging, and if He allowsthe tides to rise and the sea to become unpredictable, I know this to be true with everything that is within me…

…it is for my good!

Nothing will ever grow my faith more than seeing the LORD fight my battles (and the battles of my children!). 

Nothing will ever shape my character, my resilience, and my heart and mold me into the woman whom He has created me to be more than walking through the fire. 

Recently, as I was thanking God for allowing me to raise my family, I remembered something that I so often forget in the busyness of daily life. Yes, Anthony and I chose this life we live through the blessing of adoption. But so much more than that, before the foundation of the world, the Father chose us first—destined, called, and set apart to parent these most precious children. Each one hand-picked to be a Salem. To think that the God of the universe looked down from heaven and chose ordinary, unlikely, unequipped little me to parent His children…that just makes me tearful with gratitude and is a privilege that I do not take lightly or for granted.

In 2014 I shared this on Facebook and it popped up as a memory last week. It’s a quote by one of my heroes of the faith—missionary to China Gladys Aylward. “I wasn’t God’s first choice for what I’ve done in China. I don’t know who was. It must have been a man—a well-educated man. I don’t know what happened. Perhaps he died. Perhaps he wasn’t willing, and God looked down and saw Gladys Aylward and He said, “Well, she’s willing.” 

What a beautiful reminder to my heart on those days when the storms blow our way, when we’re in a season of battling for our children and weariness sets in, when life feels hard…

…we are chosen for such a time as this. 

When we take our eyes off of our earthy hardships and focus on the things of eternity, everything changes. 

How do we raise children who have special needs? My answer is always the same. We choose to see every day that we have with them as a gift from God. We choose to live for today—not tomorrow and not for next week. 

We choose to believe that God will give us manna for today. 

And we choose, by faith, to believe that no matter what we walk through with our children…

Jesus will be always be enough for us.

Do we always—every day in every way—get it right? Absolutely not! We’re flawed and we’re human and for the rest of our days we’ll be praying for wisdom in how to walk out this calling faithfully. May my heart forever be willing to be used by Him.

Right here in my home. 

“Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 9-10


Filed Under: Adoption, Down syndrome, Following Jesus

beauty in brokenness »
« grace multiplies

Primary Sidebar

Categories

Archives

Footer

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
Twelve years ago, I Skyped Anthony from my cold, d Twelve years ago, I Skyped Anthony from my cold, dreary apartment in Ukraine. I had just met our newest daughters and could not hold back the tears."I just don't know if I can be Hailee's mother," I told him that day. "I don't know if I have what it takes to parent her. What if I fail her?" I asked him through so many tears. I had just discovered that Hailee had been drugged with an adult tranquillizing drug for her entire five years of life. She could not handle being held, and she screamed for most of my visit. Being taken out of the only environment she knew--the confines of a crib--was absolutely terrifying. She pulled her ears until they were raw and infected. She banged her head on anything near to self-soothe. She could not eat solid food. At five years old, she weighed just eleven pounds. Back then, I questioned a million times whether I could be the mother Hailee so desperately needed me to be. I felt so inadequate for the calling. Goodness! It's been a journey! We have both grown and learned how to live our best life together. We've succeeded and we've failed. Looking back, Hailee has been one of my greatest teachers in this life. I have learned so much being her mom. But more than anything, I have seen the hand of a faithful, loving, merciful Father as I have shared my life with this little girl. And I have seen that when we give God our yes--so often afraid and unsure and positively terrified over all of the unknowns--He turns it into our greatest blessing. I just cannot imagine my world without this little darling in it. She keeps me on my toes, ensures that we are always laughing over something that she does, will dance with us day and night, and gives the very best hugs that make any hard day better. Today, on her seventeenth birthday, we count the enormous blessing that is Hailee. We thank God for the gift of this child who just makes life so much sweeter. Happy, happy birthday, sweetest Hailee! I am so, so grateful that twelve years ago, your precious Dad reminded me that I had what it took to be your mom. Because being your voice, your caregiver, your dance partner, your hugger, and your mom is, by far, one of my greatest delights in this life!
Growing up, I never really wanted to be a mother. Growing up, I never really wanted to be a mother. In many ways, the thought of raising another human terrified me. What if I failed? What if I couldn't be the mother a child needed me to be? I was so afraid of all the things that could possibly go wrong. Goodness, was I wrong! Now that I have young adults, I look back on my mothering journey and honestly, it makes me tearful. I'm 100% sure that I have failed these sweet humans more times than I care to remember. I know for sure that there have been times when I handled situations all wrong and wished that I could have had a redo. But children don't need perfect parents! There is no such thing. God chose me--in all of my brokenness and with my countless flaws. This Mother's Day, I am so thankful for the enormous amount of grace that these five extend me every single day. They see past the things that I see as my weaknesses and love me so sweetly. Motherhood is such a precious gift from God. My highest calling. And though I never knew it and could not see it all those years ago, I am so thankful that God knew that I needed these five blessings so much more than they would ever need me. Because He's just so very kind like that. I hope you all had a beautiful Mother's Day. ❤️
Thank you, @shadwickstrom and @julie.wickstrom, fo Thank you, @shadwickstrom and @julie.wickstrom, for the blessing and the absolute honor of being able to share my heart, my journey, and His redeeming love in my life this morning. He is worthy of it ALL--every broken piece made whole, every victory we see, and every praise whispered through tears. Happy Mother's Day, friends. It's been a most beautiful day with my beloved family. ❤️
Grateful for...warmer days (finally!). Messy hair Grateful for...warmer days (finally!). Messy hair days. The sweetest smiles. Sister love. Grace for a very, very busy season. Manna for today. And tomorrow. Amazing adult children who fill my heart with so much love. The ability to workout and get stronger. Friends who love us unconditionally. A church who embraces us wholeheartedly. Physicals done for six children. Healthy bodies. Exciting adventures. Longer days. Summer. The undeserved favor of God. It is well. ❤️
Today we celebrate the man who deserves more than Today we celebrate the man who deserves more than I could ever give him. I remember the days of praying for a man who would love me with his whole heart. A man who looked past my many flaws, my brokenness, the shattered pieces of my life, and my many imperfections and saw all who I could become. A man who chased after the things of God with everything that he has. A man who would adore his children and be an amazing dad. A man who loved people and cared deeply about the things that matter most. A man who walked in integrity and chose to do what's right, no matter what. A man who would hold my heart so tenderly and always point me to Jesus. God gave me all of this and so much more. He gave me a man who always, always puts our needs way above his own and loves this family of ours with every ounce of his being. Today, we honor and we celebrate you, Anthony! No words can ever express how grateful I am that God heard every prayer on my heart and sent me you. Doing this crazy, amazing, beautiful life with you is my greatest joy and delight. Happy, happy birthday! How we love and treasure you! ❤️🎉
For the last two years, I've been so much more del For the last two years, I've been so much more deliberate about what I allow myself to watch and listen to. We don't have a television, and we never watch the news. We spend more time with our children, drop everything we're doing when one of our adult children walks through our door, love hanging out with our animals, and always have a home renovation project we're working on. These days, I'm trying to be so much more intentional about only focusing on what  matters most to me. The days and the years sure do fly by...and I don't ever want to feel like I wasted this one life He gave me by worrying, stressing and focusing on all the things that I cannot change. I'm a work in progress, but I'm loving this season of children growing up, adult kids who are such a blessing to my heart, and intentionally living a life of gratitude. Thankfulness is a choice--no matter the circumstances we walk through. I fail at getting it right more than I succeed at living gratefully every day. Because life can be hard, and the world is messed up, and it's so easy to take my eyes off of all things eternal. But so gently and patiently, He reminds me daily to pause. To reflect on all that is good. And lovely. And amazing. Because I don't ever want to be too busy to miss moments like this. She's my biggest cuddler and my random kisser (like, all day long)...and I pray that I'm never too distracted to savor the sweetness of it all. ❤️
Twenty three years ago, I became a mother. I was n Twenty three years ago, I became a mother. I was never one of those woman who dreamed of motherhood since they were very young. Truth is, I had no clue who I was nor who I wanted to become for most of my young adult life. In so many ways, the thought of being a mother and raising children scared the heck out of me. That was, until I had my first son. Connor changed me! Never had I experienced the kind of love and absolute joy that I had in spending my days with him. This boy showed me that if I was nothing else in my life, being his mom would be enough for me. And for twenty three years we've been figuring out this crazy, amazing life together. I have loved and treasured every single day that we have grown together. Being Connor's mother has been one of my greatest delights in my life. And now that he's a young man, I look back and am so insanely grateful for the gift this boy has been to us. From the sweetest baby, to the most amazing young man that he has chosen to become, I am thankful. It has been such a privilege watching him grow and mature into a man who walks in integrity, cares deeply, and is so kind. Happy, happy 23rd birthday to the son who is one of my great riches on this earth. No words can ever express the blessing he is to my heart! Keep looking up, Connor. Keep your eyes on heaven. Keep being exactly who you are. And always, always put Jesus first. I am ridiculously proud of you. ❤️
Happy 18th birthday, sweetest Kael. You were a sur Happy 18th birthday, sweetest Kael. You were a surprise addition to our adoption of Hasya. A sweet boy who God added to us so far into the adoption process. We had to rush through the paperwork to make sure that we could adopt you. I'll always remember the day I met you. Driving through the gates of the mental asylum you had called home for nearly nine years changed me forever. Never in my life had I been in such a dark, lifeless place. A place where precious humans had no worth, no value. A place so hard to fathom. But God! By His amazing grace, He chose you to have a family. I don't understand it all. Why so many are left behind with no hope. Some days I just ache for heaven. But forever will I be thankful that you are here, loved and living your very best life. With hope and a future. You're our chillest kid! Nothing ever moves quickly for you, except, perhaps, when you see me preparing a meal and you know it's time to eat. You love your food and have never turned a meal away. You have the best laugh in the world, and when you smile, I am reminded that redemption is such a beautiful thing. You love our family outings and could spend your entire summer in a swimming pool. And even though you're completely dependent on us for all things, you have become so intentional about showing us your needs. You have amazed us with all that you have learned, especially recently. How you have grown in nine years! As you head into your adult years, we're so excited to watch you become all who God has made you to be. And we'll be there, making sure that you have every opportunity to learn, grow and live a life filled with wonder. We are so grateful that God rescued you, sweet Kael. So very grateful for the gift of you. ❤️🎉
It's World Autism Awareness Day. Today we celebrat It's World Autism Awareness Day. Today we celebrate everything that makes Hailee, Hailee. She is fearfully and wonderfully made...JUST the way she is. Thank you, God, for the big victories that are simply amazing and the seemingly tiny victories that we count as blessings...they are ALL from your hand. Grateful for the gift of this tiny little firecracker who ensures that my days are never dull nor boring. ❤️
She's fiercely independent. Picks out her own clot She's fiercely independent. Picks out her own clothes. Can figure out anything on her own. Got the stubborn gene. Loves to help. Can rearrange an entire house in five minutes flat (and keeps us guessing where everything went). Has to have everything in its rightful place. Adores her siblings. And her puppy. Is the boss of everyone. Thrives on routine. Keeps everyone (animals included) on their toes and doing what they need to do. Loves pretty dresses and accessories. Forgives easily and teaches me to do the same. Yells at Hailee a gazillion times a day for messing up the playroom...again..."Oh, Hailee! No!" She is absolute perfection and I am so thankful that she's mine. ❤️
Follow on Instagram

Copyright © 2022 · Adéye Salem · Blog Design by Little Blue Deer
Privacy Policy