Not My Bloggy Self

When I set out on this blogging adventure, I never intended for it to be a place where I only journalled about all the great and amazing things God had done in our lives (and there are many). My heart was never for it to be a place where I could never be honest and show my weaknesses and flaws. On the contrary, I wanted it to be a place where I could be vulnerable and real, a place where I could be truthful about the journey God has me on. I know, as you do, that the Christian walk is, very often, tough. There are days when we are weak, there are times when we have to dig so deep in our faith that it takes every bit of strength and courage we have.

One thing I really do love about blog-world is that we get to carry one another’s burdens. We get to wear our hearts on our sleeves and allow others to pray for us. It is an amazing community–and community is really what we all need. I love that blogging and following the journey of friends, both new and old, gives me such an amazing opportunity to pray.

So, here I am–being real! The last two weeks have been hard, I just feel burdened. I am not my bloggy self that loves to blog about my family, my journey in the Lord and my everyday life. I am burdened! The thing is, I don’t really know why.

Maybe it is because I miss having family around–I hate the fact that my children are growing up with absolutely no extended family to spend special times with. Growing up, my holidays were always spent with extended family, and because of those special times, I am very close to those family members today. My children are missing out on that, and it breaks my heart. I need His grace.

Maybe it is because my heart is so broken for the 144 million orphans who wait for a mommy and daddy to come and get them. I long to do more. I need His wisdom.

Maybe it is because there is a stirring in the hearts of many that Jesus is coming back soon! That is a wonderful thing. Except, I have so many friends and family who not not know Him. Will they ever proclaim the name of Jesus? I need fast and pray!

Maybe it is because we spent such a precious time with a homeless couple last Sunday. A guy and a girl just 20 years old. A beautiful couple. My heart broke for them–these two kids are someone’s children! Somewhere was a mother and a father who loved them. Where were their parents? Did they wonder where their children were? Were they concerned about them? The time we spent with them was sweet. I was reminded of the fact that someday my children will have to walk their own road, they will have to make their own choices. Oh how I long for them to stay on the narrow road, the one that leads to LIFE! I need to intercede daily for the lives of my sweet blessings. I need Him to teach me how to be a courageous parent.

Maybe it is because we have to sell our house. If there is one thing I truly dislike doing, it is selling our homes. It is humanly impossible to keep a house with five small kids and three pets neat and tidy all the time. I need His grace in this season.

Maybe it is because I have so many friends with needs, desperate needs. I long to see the Father give each one of these friends the miracle they so long for. But I can’t. The most I can do is pray, which I know is enough. It just hurts to see so many going through tough times. I need Him to constantly remind me to pray.

Maybe it is because our school year is done. And I have absolutely no idea what to do when the new one begins in August. I do not know where Haven is going to learn and grow. I need Him to lead and guide me.

Maybe it is because my heart is grieving that statistically church attendance is down! How can that be? Why have so many turned their backs on Jesus? Why is church giving even down? Why are so many churches struggling to make ends meet–all because God’s people are either not in church or are reigning in on their giving? We should be giving our way out of our financial hardships. Don’t people know that they can never outgive the Almighty? Give, give, and give some more. It’s all His money anyway. I need Him to teach us how to be wise stewards with what He has given us.

In my weakness, He is strong. He is more than able to take care of every burden and every concern that I have, I know that full well. He is my faithful Jesus, the One who is faithful and true. We live in a fallen world, an imperfect world. There will always be things that cause me to feel weak, circumstances that are so completely out of my control.

Oh how I need Him, the only ONE who is steadfast in a world gone crazy.