percentages and faith

Things are moving along beautifully with our embryo adoption. God has truly gone before us and is moving every single obstacle that we have faced over the last few weeks. We stand amazed at His goodness to our family.

I had a phone consultation with my new doctor last week. I cannot even tell you how blessed I was! She was so amazing and I could tell instantly that God had led us to someone who was on our side (and our babies’ side!).

I have received a whole lot of e-mails and comments from people sharing their not-so-very-nice-opinion about our decision to want to transfer all of the surviving embryos into my womb. I have been told that humans were never meant to “carry a litter” and that this is the most irresponsible thing we have ever done.  Okay then.

We already knew these things, but after speaking to the embryologist (an EXPERT!), here’s the deal with our new babies. She began the conversation with much hesitation to share what she knew about our embryos for fear of my heart being broken and my hopes dashed. I assured her that we were prepared for anything at all.

Since these embryos have been frozen for so many years and were frozen using a slow freeze method (as opposed to the fast freeze methods used these days), she really doesn’t hold out much hope of ANY of our babies surviving the transfer into my womb. Even though these babies were frozen on day five (which is optimal for survival), they don’t contain enough cells.  And so it’s a double whammy.

Embryo,_8_cells
Picture courtesy of google

We have known what these precious embryos were up against. We have known that according to the medical world, they really don’t stand much of a chance of survival.

The embryologist puts the success rate of one embryo surviving at 20-30%. That’s not at all great. But you know what? It’s better than a 10% chance. We’ll take it!

The doctor is fully in agreement that because of poor quality of these embryos that we MUST transfer all of the embryos who do survive the thaw. There is absolutely no point refreezing any of them. IF they were day five blastocysts and had an excellent chance of survival, well, then no clinic would be willing to transfer four healthy embryos into my womb, and neither would we. That would be ridiculous. Given the quality and the situation of these particular embryos, they were shocked that any clinic would even make us sign a selective reduction letter. This situation is unique and different, and these are definitely not the “typical” embryos which couples look for when wanting to adopt embryos.

The doctor was so kind. She kindly asked me why we would choose to adopt these particular babies. That’s an easy answer.

Because they deserve a chance! I am so thankful that when my heavenly Father roams the earth looking for those who will love Him and serve Him with passion and abandon, that He doesn’t only look for the strongest, the toughest, and the most extraordinary people. No, He seeks out the most imperfect of people and He reaches down from heaven and gives them a chance to become ALL who He created them to be–faults, flaws, imperfections, and all.

Everyone deserves a chance.

And so do these babies.

Honestly? We don’t know what God has planned for these four embryos. The odds are certainly stacked against them. It is going to take a miracle from heaven for even one of them to survive. We don’t even know how many of them will survive being thawed. Since they are all frozen together in one straw, they have to be thawed at the same time. And because they are already day five embryos, they can only be thawed on the day of my transfer. The reality is that I could get to the clinic on that morning and find out that none of the babies survived the thaw.  We’ll take the chance.  A thousand times!

Some people have asked me how I will feel if I go through this entire process and it’s unsuccessful. Well, of course we would be heartbroken. Any family who goes through this and comes out on the other side without a beating heart in their womb is sad. But tonight I cannot help but think of a genetic mother who lives on the opposite side of America from us. I think about how she has desperately needed to have closure with this. I think about how any mother must agonize knowing that four of her children are frozen and she is unable to carry them herself. And then I cling to just one thing…

…My God knows.

He knows the outcome already.

I believe in His sovereignty with all of my heart.

And I believe that even before the foundation of the earth, He knew which of these children would have life on earth and who would dance with Him in heaven.

Our only requirement was to say yes when He called us to these particular embryos.

We’ll continue to trust the ONE who is able. We’ll listen to the statistics and the percentages, and then we’ll place it all in the Father’s loving hands. We’ll continue to remind ourselves that the God whom we serve loves to show His miracle-working power. Percentages are nothing to the Almighty Father! We’ll look into His glorious Word and be reminded of how He used the most hopeless of situations and turned them into something amazing….because He can.

Hopefully this week we’ll have a new transfer date and can start planning ahead.

I am so thankful that God has taken us down this road. My eyes have been opened to the reality of just how fragile life is, how easily LIFE is discarded. My heart has been broken for the tiniest of the LORD’S flock, and I am so humbled that He has chosen us to give this a try–to give these embryos our everything in trying to give them life on earth.

Everything else we’ll leave in His loving, trustworthy hands.

Trusting the ONE who raises the dead and parts the waters.

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