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Swimming upstream

Doesn’t it sometimes feel that life just gets a little tooooo crazy? Like you’re swimming against the tide? All at once???? I am right there!

We leave in about one month to bring Haven home. We have absolutely no idea what to expect with all the needs that she has. She is a broken, emotionally fragile little girl. Will she accept us? Will she be afraid? Will she know that she is loved? Will she learn to trust us and KNOW that we will ever abandon her…that she will be with us forever? I truly do not have any idea what we are in for…I ONLY know that she is our child, that God will equip us to deal with whatever lies ahead. I KNOW that with all my heart. And that is more than enough for me. I am so excited that Miss Gu Yi Fan will VERY soon be Haven Maylin Salem.

After much prayer and trying our best to make things work out, we have to list our home for sale. Living to try and pay the mortgage every month is toooooo hard! Actually, God had to do a work in MY heart. We should probably have listed it a long time ago, but I did not want to let go. This is the last thing in the world we feel like doing, especially now. But, with the rising costs of living and a huge drop in our monthly income, we have no choice. The most obvious thing to do is to put my kids in school and daycare and get a job. But, our answer from heaven is always a resounding NO! Is it for Haven? Does she need to be home with her brothers and sister? I have no idea. We just have to go with what the Lord has told us to do. Obedience is the key…even if it makes no sense in the natural. I must admit that selling a house is one of those things that causes me so much stress. Trying to keep the house spotless with 4 little kids running around is almost impossible, no fun at all. I need His grace in this seaon

Next week school starts. I have taken on a curriculum is that not my first choice…but it is free…and that is such a huge help right now! I get to keep my blessings at home with me, and use a curriculum that costs us nothing. Unfortunately I know that the workload is so much more than we have done in previous years. I am a little nervous about it. Am I going to be able to cope? Only with His help.

Phew… the midst of it all I KNOW MY GOD! He is more than able to take care of every concern that I have! He is more than able to bring a buyer for our house, even if it is one of the worst times to sell a house with the market being so bad. Sometimes my faith seems so small. So often the mountain before me seems so HUGE, and my faith seems so pathetic. I look back on my life and see how my Father have moved. Our adoptions have been such a testimony to His goodness and faithfulness. Especially Haven. We started this with no savings in the bank and no extra monthly income to use a credit card or pay off a loan on our house. Yet….God has provided every step of the way. How could I ever doubt His faithfulness to take care of every need that my family has?

We feel God’s Spirit burning desire and passion within us. We feel Him calling us to press on and press into Him. We feel Him bringing us back to the things that He has laid on our hearts…the dreams and desires He has placed within Anthony and I. He is bringing us back… is so easy to get caught up in the challenges that life brings our way, the trials and the things that we go through. It is so easy to take our eyes off the plans and purposes that God has for our lives. But His word is clear in Isaiah…“whether you look to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying “this is the way…walk in it!!!” We’re listening carefully!

How will this crazy season look in the end? I have absolutely no idea. But only one thing matters……that we CHOOSE to live lives that are OBEDIENT…no matter what the cost!