I can relate to the psalmist when he cried to the Lord in the 141st chapter, “When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who watches over my way.”
There have been moments in the last few weeks when my heart and my spirit have truly felt so faint, so weak, so vulnerable and tender.
Times when I have reminded myself a gazillion times, “It is YOU who watches over my way.”
I have many friends who are walking similar (but different) paths to the one we are on right now. Times when you know that you know with all of your heart that God is leading and guiding your family, but as you look ahead, as you listen intently to His still small voice…
Nothing.
Silence.
I’m a do-er by nature. An extreme planner. If I could, I would have a road map planned out for the next five years. It would be highlighted, color-coded, and written in bright Sharpies for maximum effect and so that it could not be erased or altered in any way whatsoever.
That’s my way!
But I have learned over the years that I have walked closely with my God in heaven that HIS way is what my heart yearns for.
HIS way satisfies my weary heart.
HIS way brings joy unfathomable and divine contentment .
HIS way leads me to the well that never runs dry.
As we sit as this junction in our lives once again–one road going this way and the other going that–in the stillness of the night I dig deep in my faith and am reminded once again…
To simply trust, to hold on, to surrender. Completely.
I lie in the darkness and I remember, ponder once again His steadfast faithfulness to my family. His heart which is for us in every way. I reflect on the moments when we wondered too many times to count…
How, Lord?
Why, Lord?
Which way, Lord?
His outstretched arm (Psalm 136)…it never let us go! Not once. Ever.
Times such as these, when my heart longs for more, for different, for the audible voice of the Father to show us the way–His way…
…To simply trust!
Trusting anyone in life is a choice, isn’t it?
Trusting my Father in heaven is a choice too.
To trust His heart.
To trust His plans and purposes for our lives.
To trust that He already knows the outcome of all things…
And it is good!
It’s a choice I can make every day of my life!
In the good times…
And in the difficult times.
To trust GOD with all of my heart.
No matter what the outcome.
If I had to pinpoint one area (or many!) in my life that I have struggled with the most over the years, it would be trust. I came into my relationship with God in the early 1990’s struggling to trust anyone. How could I possibly trust a God whom many called “Abba,” “Father,” “Daddy”? It seemed so foreign to me. And how in the world did I even trust in a God whom I could not see, hear, or feel?
But I wanted Him. Needed Him. Desperately. I was willing to learn what it meant to walk by faith and not by sight.
Still, I struggled for years to see God as a Daddy…a Father who loved me as if I were the only one on the planet. A God who was jealous for me.
A Savior who would have endured the unthinkable brutality of the cross…if I was the only one.
For so many years I could not wrap my human heart (which had been broken too many times) around the fact that God was a loving, gracious FATHER in whom I could trust. Completely.
God was so gracious and patient with me in those early years when we journeyed together. Slowly but surely my hardened, untrusting heart began to soften and I began to see, feel, touch, and taste God’s faithfulness in my life. Little by little I gave Him me…
…all of me.
It’s taken many years of learning what it means to fully give every fiber of my being to the ONE who rescued me from the miry clay (Psalm 40:2). I have had to learn (sometimes the hard way!) that He who has shown Himself to be completely dependable in my life can absolutely be trusted. Many years of trying, failing miserably, and trying again have shown me who He is…
Faithful and True.
To live completely abandoned to the Father is what Anthony and I strive for, but fail so often at getting right. Oh, it’s easy to be abandoned to His will when things go our way! But in those times when life makes zero sense and God chooses to take us by the hand and lead us down the long and winding road called Trust Me…
That’s when our faith is tested!
That’s when our ability to abandon all that we are and everything to hope to be into His loving hands is put to the test.
And that’s where we’re at in this season.
We’ve once again invited the ONE who is worthy of our praise and adoration–our Father, our Daddy–to come and have His way with our lives.
We’re trusting.
Completely.
With everything we have.
And here we stand, arms wide open.
Trusting.
If you or your family are in the same place of learning to trust, to surrender just a little more…we’re praying for you! Someone once said, “If you cannot see His hand, trust His heart.” I love that.
