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Adeye Salem

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safe and sound

March 29, 2010 By Adéye

Hello from Kiev.

I made it. I’m tired and feeling very tender and emotionally fragile, but doing okay.

Sunday was TOUGH. I honestly felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. Saying goodbye to the ones I love the most in this life was so darn hard. Oh my goodness, what a tearful day. I got on the airplane and bawled my eyes out…for hours. I know, I’m such a wimp. Tears flowed until I was completely out of water. I’m sure everyone must have been wondering what on earth was up with this strange woman. Every emotion I had been feeling for the last few days all of a sudden caught up with me.

I got on the flight to Germany and was so incredibly tired. Funny thing was that even as tired as I was, I could NOT sleep. I have never been one to sleep on long flights. I thought this time may be different as I was just so ridiculously tired. But nope…could not do it. I could not turn my brain off, no matter how many sheep I tried to count (does that really even work?). I was totally wired. I needed a distraction–anything to keep me from thinking about my sweet little children all cozy in their beds, and my precious hubby at home. So I got out a book and read it from cover to cover. Karen Kingsbury to my rescue.

I arrived in Kiev about three hours ago–oh my goodness did I realized something FAST! It’s going to be sink or swim for me here. I arrived at the airport and was greeted by a very nice young man holding a sign that said “Salim”. Oh so close, but not quite right.  I chuckled. He drove me to my apartment, where I was greeted by another man waiting.  An older man.  He carried my suitcase up to my home away from home, gave me a cell phone (which doesn’t work), took me out to the balcony and pointed to the grocery store, the bank, and the internet cafe.

That was it.

Um, okey dokey then.  One little probelm–everything he pointed to was on the other side of the blooming road!  I’m talking insanely busy road with cars driving at ten thousand miles an hour. Think China in rush hour traffic for those of you who have been there. How in the world do I even get to the other side alive? 

“No problem”, he says and points to the underground walk-through thingy.  Okay then. 

Next thing I know…he leaves. Just like that. I kid you not.  For just a minute I fought back the tears and wondered why in the world I am doing this all alone.  Then HE whispered gently into my ear that I’m NOT alone, and that everything is going to be just fine.  The quiet reassurance that I so desperately needed at that moment. 

So I got myself together and navigated my way to the internet cafe to come and let my family know that I made it safely and am okay.  I have asked the nice man to please get me a modem so that I can have internet access in the place I’m staying.  He said he’ll take care of it tomorrow.  I hope so. Until that happens, I’ll have to come to the wi-fi place.

Yep–I can tell I’m on the fast track to learning how to nagivate life here in the Ukraine.  Nothing like being thrown in at the deep end, hey?  Thank goodness I’m a good swimmer–I’ll get through this.  I have the King of Kings taking each step with me, and that’s enough for me.

The reality of what life will look like for the next few weeks has not hit me yet. I know it will soon. I have been so blessed to be able to travel with my husband so many times. He handles everything. The money, the internet, the food. He just does it. Now it’s just me, and I have to learn to navigate the system here. Some of it intimidates me, I’ll be honest. The Lord has been so gracious and kind to me in the last 24 hours–I sense His arms around me, holding me tight. I know that I am NOT alone in this place. His sweet presence surrounds me.

Thank you for all the sweet words of encouragement I got when I logged onto my blog tonight.  Please know that I appreciate it so very much.  It means the absolute world to me to know that so many of you are praying and journeying with me from afar.

Love you all.

PS  Please excuse the spelling mistakes, I am rushing to get this done so that I don’t have to find my way home in the dark.


Filed Under: Embryo Adoption, Me, Praying for others

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Twelve years ago, I Skyped Anthony from my cold, d Twelve years ago, I Skyped Anthony from my cold, dreary apartment in Ukraine. I had just met our newest daughters and could not hold back the tears."I just don't know if I can be Hailee's mother," I told him that day. "I don't know if I have what it takes to parent her. What if I fail her?" I asked him through so many tears. I had just discovered that Hailee had been drugged with an adult tranquillizing drug for her entire five years of life. She could not handle being held, and she screamed for most of my visit. Being taken out of the only environment she knew--the confines of a crib--was absolutely terrifying. She pulled her ears until they were raw and infected. She banged her head on anything near to self-soothe. She could not eat solid food. At five years old, she weighed just eleven pounds. Back then, I questioned a million times whether I could be the mother Hailee so desperately needed me to be. I felt so inadequate for the calling. Goodness! It's been a journey! We have both grown and learned how to live our best life together. We've succeeded and we've failed. Looking back, Hailee has been one of my greatest teachers in this life. I have learned so much being her mom. But more than anything, I have seen the hand of a faithful, loving, merciful Father as I have shared my life with this little girl. And I have seen that when we give God our yes--so often afraid and unsure and positively terrified over all of the unknowns--He turns it into our greatest blessing. I just cannot imagine my world without this little darling in it. She keeps me on my toes, ensures that we are always laughing over something that she does, will dance with us day and night, and gives the very best hugs that make any hard day better. Today, on her seventeenth birthday, we count the enormous blessing that is Hailee. We thank God for the gift of this child who just makes life so much sweeter. Happy, happy birthday, sweetest Hailee! I am so, so grateful that twelve years ago, your precious Dad reminded me that I had what it took to be your mom. Because being your voice, your caregiver, your dance partner, your hugger, and your mom is, by far, one of my greatest delights in this life!
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