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the hard things

There is one fact about following Christ that I learned (after getting it wrong too many times to count) so deep down in my soul quite a few years ago…

God never, ever calls us to do the easy things!

Surrendering to Jesus and becoming a follower of the Living God never meant that we would have a ticket to bypassing all hardship, all pain in this life.

For me, it’s quite the opposite, actually.  Learning to live a surrendered life–one where I am yielded to my Father’s will and can truly say “Whatever, God!” no matter where He calls me or what He asks me to do in this life–has sometimes left me hanging on by my fingertips!  Clinging! Those times when only one thing remains steadfast.

My Jesus WILL see me to the other side!

Today I walked into Kael’s orphanage for the last time.  With a ginormous lump in my throat, I looked around…knowing that very soon I would have to say goodbye to a little boy I have grown to love so very deeply over the past week.

Leaving him here.

In this awful place where he spends every waking moment in the confines of a crib.

Where bars are all he knows.

And there are no cuddles or random kisses on the cheek.

A place where the sound of laughter is never heard and nothing but an eerie silence greets you at the front door.

I can rank it up there with one of those times in my life when God has called me to trust Him with every part of my being.

To trust Him with a little boy’s heart that is so tender, so sweet.

A heart that is longing to be loved!

Today I gleaned a little more information about Kael’s history. 

Though they relinquished their parental rights soon after he was born, Kael’s birth mom and dad did come to visit their child. On April 8th, they appeared at the gate with a very small gift in hand. Every year they would be escorted into a tiny room, and there they would wait for their son to be brought down from his crib.

And every year the story played out the same–Dad would touch his son just a little on his arm.  Mom refused.  “Too afraid of his Down syndrome!” she would say.  Only thing she would comment on was how he had grown in one year.

Minutes later they would leave the building, leaving their David with the small birthday gift they came to give him.

Without a hug or a warm embrace.

They left as quickly as they arrived.

Until next year.

As I held this beautiful child in my arms and listened to the caretaker share her memories of “The day they came to see David,” my arms squeezed him a little tighter.

Never, ever wanting to let him go.

Never wanting him to know the feeling of rejection or abandonment one more time in his life!

Every ounce of my being longed to get him out of that place today–away from the pain and the sorrow and the arms that choose not to love him.

And then I once again remembered.

God never said the journey would be easy!

He never said that when He called us to walk–that it would be without challenges and sacrifice.

But He did promise that just as He holds the hearts of kings in hands….

…holds this one too.

And today the Voice of Truth promised me that I can, once again, trust HIM with the things so dear to my heart.

I can trust Him with my sweet little boy until that wonderful day when I can return to take him home.  Forever!

Hang tight, beautiful one…time will fly!  Before you know it, you will be part of a big, crazy, loud family and you will finally know what it means to be loved like there’s no tomorrow.

We’re counting down the sleeps until you come home.

To where you belong!

Today was just one of those days.

The kind where I had to CLING!