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ups and downs

Today has certainly been one of those days.  You know the ones–where you have probably experienced every emotion ever known to man.  That’s me!

First, let me start with the special part about today.  It’s my firstborn’s birthday.  Eleven years ago today Anthony and I discovered the joy of parenthood.  It was a day that changed our lives forever. Before this boy was born I never knew what a blessing it would be to be called Mom.  He changed everything for me.  He showed me what I wanted to be when I grew up…Mom!

Happy birthday, precious Connor.  There are no words to describe how much I am longing to be with you today.  I love you with a passion.


Thank you to ALL of you who prayed for me, and my situation here today. It has been a heck of a day.

Yes, God was faithful (as I knew He would be). Finally everyone seems to be okay with me adopting the girls. It seems that everything is in order and they have given me permission to adopt.  Thank you, Lord Jesus.  Such a huge relief. I cannot even begin to tell you.

While I am rejoicing over the sweet victory, and God’s amazing faithfulness, I must confess that I am really fighting discouragement in this place. I am just feeling so weary of the battle. I feel so emotionally drained. There seems to be one obstacle after another. And the journey is still very far from over.

Unfortunately, in light of the recent Russian adoption fiasco, things are clamping down big time here.  I knew it would happen, just maybe not so soon.  The result today is that there will absolutely NOT be any waiver on any waiting period.  Out of the question.  The glimmer of hope that I was given is now completely gone. Nothing I can do about it.

That’s one delay, but then there’s another…

Last week I was promised a court date this week…today it has been pushed forward to the end of next week.  Tentatively I have been given April 22 as a date to appear in court.  But that date may very well change and become even later.  Unless they receive back my INTERPOL (police) clearance, nothing will happen, and I will have to continue to wait.

As I type this, things are so uncertain.  It really is just a day-by-day thing for me here.  Nothing is etched in stone.  With adoptions in these countries as shakey as they are right now, tomorrow may look vastly different from today. 

I am learning that His grace is sufficient for me.  I am being forced to rely on my Father in heaven when things seem so crazy and messed up. I wish I could just pour out my whole heart, and my experiences, but unfortunately I have to be very careful what I say on a public blog. I cannot put anyone else’s adoption in jeopardy. I know you all understand. It’s a fine line that I struggle to navigate at times.

I feel like I am dealing with emotional overload. But I am constantly reminding myself that He is more than able to carry my burdens and the things on my heart tonight.

A few of you have written to ask me why I am here alone. Sorry, I forget that newer readers may be in the dark.  The very short version of it is that when we found Hailee last summer we learned very quickly that we could not adopt her the normal way, with a husband and wife doing it jointly. The Ukraine has a very strict policy regarding there ONLY being 45 years between the parent and the child.  That disqualified us as a married couple as Anthony was over the age limit. We were told that there was a loophole and I would be able to adopt her as a ‘single person with consent from my husband’.  Great idea, but I was not an American citizen and could not do the necessary paperwork to get her back into the USA.  So, in a drastic hurry we completed the process for me to become a citizen, and then began the adoption paperwork.  That is the only reason why I am allowed to be here without Anthony–the Ukraine does not even look at him as part of the adoption.  It’s a crazy thing, but it has allowed us to adopt TWO little girls.

Okay, changing gears to some girly news.

You know how I have posted a few times about the fact that Hailee is always dressed in either blue or green? I never really thought twice about it, I just assumed that no-one cared enough to dress a girl in pink. It seemed that the onesies that she was always in were just what they had available. 

Then I read a few comments about some concerned bloggy friends wondering if Hailee was, indeed, a girl.  I chuckled when I read them because I had never thought twice about it.  While my hubby and I chatted one night he said, “Honey, did you read the comments about Hailee?  Have you had a peek to make sure that she IS a girl?”

Um, no, actually I had not had any peek yet.

The next morning I asked my facilitator whether “Violetta” (her Ukrainian name) could be a boys name in the Ukraine.  She totally laughed at me.  As we drove out to the orphanage I sat in the backseat thinking of all the boys names that I loved—just in case.  As many of you know very well, with adoptions anything is possible.

We arrived at the orphanage and Tatianna (my facilitator) told the caretakers that Adeye’s husband thinks that Violetta may just be a boy because she is always in boy colors in the photos she sends him.  They thought it was too funny.

Before I know it, the blue onesie is being whipped off, she gets changed–and they present me with my very own pink bunny….

Aaahhhhh…so much better!

Too darn cute for words.

But never fear, the blue is never too far away. 

Oh, and yes, I did still just take a little peek…just to be extra sure.

I absolutely adore these two precious angels.

The little yellow hat is there for a reason.  Hailee has a habit of scratching the back of her ear.  It is raw behind there.  The hat stops her from scratching. At least it’s girly I say.

LOVE the look on Harper’s face as she checks out her sister.  “Um, are you sure she has to come home with us too?”

“Really? She’s my sister?”

“Yep, I’m your sis, can’t you see how much I love you?”

There truly are no words to describe how adorable these two are.  They melt my heart. They truly do make every up and down of this journey so absolutely worth it. Every moment I spend with them reminds me that there is always a cost to obedience.  It is never easy doing the things God calls us to do. But oh my goodness, the prize when I finally reach the end is going to be simply glorious.

Pressing on toward the finish line–and praising the Almighty Father for a sweet victory today. Faithful God!